Schweeeeet!

I'll never loose my remotes again. Thank you God!

It's a homo's devil machine!

I have some bad news peeps. We all have to destroy our computers. I had no idea that they were homo devil machines. This really sucks, because I kinda like playing around on mine. How are we supposed to visit the URL on her sign if we destroy our computers? Oh well. I guess I'm gonna get off of here so I can smash this effin gay ass devil machine! Peace.

A picture is worth a thousand words

Blow it out your arse!

Turtles can breathe through their butt. Just thought you should know that.

Stop the Jibba Jabba!

You know what I really like about Mr. T, other than him being a midget?

He pittys the fool.

You know why he pittys the fool?

He ain't got no time for the jibba jabba!

If you think about it, who really does have time for a bunch of jibba jabba?

I think we should all cut back on the jibba jabba, then there would be a lot less fools to pity.

I'm just sayin'.

Did You Know?

• Ants don't sleep.


• Owls have eyeballs that are tubular in shape, because of this, they cannot move their eyes.


• A bird requires more food in proportion to its size than a baby or a cat.


• The mouse is the most common mammal in the US.


• A newborn kangaroo is about 1 inch in length.


• A cow gives nearly 200,000 glasses of milk in her lifetime.


• The Canary Islands were not named for a bird called a canary. They were names after a breed of large dogs. The Latin name was Canariae insulae - "Island of Dogs."


• There are 701 types of pure breed dogs.


• A polecat is not a cat. It is a nocturnal European weasel.


• Tapeworms range in size from about 0.04 inch to more than 50 feet in length.


• A baby bat is called a pup.


• German Shepherds bite humans more than any other breed of dog.


• A female mackerel lays about 500,000 eggs at one time.


• It takes 35 to 65 minks to produce the average mink coat. The numbers for other types of fur coats are: beaver - 15; fox - 15 to 25; ermine - 150; chinchilla - 60 to 100.


• The animal responsible for the most human deaths world-wide is the mosquito.


• The biggest pig in recorded history was Big Boy of Black Mountain, North Carolina, who was weighed at 1,904 pounds in 1939.


• Cats respond most readily to names that end in an "ee" sound.


• A cat cannot see directly under its nose. This is why the cats cannot seem to find tidbits on the floor.


• Pigs, walruses and light-colored horses can be sunburned.


• Snakes are immune to their own poison.


• An iguana can stay under water for 28 minutes.


• Cats have more than one hundred vocal sounds, while dogs only have about ten.


• The biggest member of the cat family is the male lion, which weighs 528 pounds (240 kilograms).


• Most lipstick contains fish scales.


• Rats multiply so quickly that in 18 months, two rats could have over a million descendants.


• Each day in the US, animal shelters are forced to destroy 30,000 dogs and cats.


• A shrimp's heart is in their head.


• A pregnant goldfish is called a twit.


• A cockroach will live nine days without its head, before it starves to death.


• The cat lover is an ailurophile, while a cat hater is an ailurophobe.


• A woodpecker can peck twenty times a second.


• It may take longer than two days for a chick to break out of its shell.


• dragonflies are one of the fastest insects, flying 50 to 60 mph.


• Despite man's fear and hatred of the wolf, it has not ever been proved that a non-rabid wolf ever attacked a human.


• There are more than 100 million dogs and cats in the United States.


• Americans spend more than 5.4 billion dollars on their pets each year.


• Cat's urine glows under a black light.


• The largest cockroach on record is one measured at 3.81 inches in length.


• It is estimated that a single toad may catch and eat as many as 10,000 insects in the course of a summer.


• Amphibians eyes come in a variety of shapes and sizes. Some even have square or heart-shaped pupils.


• It would require an average of 18 hummingbirds to weigh in at 1 ounce.


• Dogs that do not tolerate small children well are the St. Bernard, the Old English sheep dog, the Alaskan malamute, the bull terrier, and the toy poodle.


• Moles are able to tunnel through 300 feet of earth in a day.


• Howler monkeys are the noisiest land animals. Their calls can be heard over 2 miles away.


• A quarter of the horses in the US died of a vast virus epidemic in 1872.


• The fastest bird is the Spine-tailed swift, clocked at speeds of up to 220 miles per hour.


• There is no single cat called the panther. The name is commonly applied the leopard, but it is also used to refer to the puma and the jaguar. A black panther is really a black leopard.


• A capon is a castrated rooster.


• The world's largest rodent is the Capybara. An Amazon water hog that looks like a guinea pig, it can weigh more than 100 pounds.


• The poison-arrow frog has enough poison to kill about 2,200 people.


• The hummingbird, the loon, the swift, the kingfisher, and the grebe are all birds that cannot walk.


• The poisonous copperhead snake smells like fresh cut cucumbers.


• A chameleon's tongue is twice the length of its body.


• Worker ants may live seven years and the queen may live as long as 15 years.


• The blood of mammals is red, the blood of insects is yellow, and the blood of lobsters is blue.


• Cheetahs make a chirping sound that is much like a bird's chirp or a dog's yelp. The sound is so intense, it can be heard a mile away.


• the underside of a horse's hoof is called a frog. The frog peels off several times a year with new growth.


• The bloodhound is the only animal whose evidence is admissible in an American court.


• 98% of brown bears in the United States are in Alaska.


• Before air conditioning was invented, white cotton slipcovers were put on furniture to keep the air cool.


• The barbie doll has more than 80 careers.


• To make on pound of whole milk cheese, 10 pounds of whole mild is needed.


• 99% of pumpkins that are sold for decoration.


• Every 30 seconds a house fire doubles in size.


• The month of December is the most popular month for weddings in the Philippines.


• A one ounce milk chocolate bar has 6 mg of caffeine.


• Carbon monoxide can kill a person in less than 15 minutes.


• The largest ever hailstone weighed over 1 kg and fell in Bangladesh in 1986.


• Ants can live up to 16 years.


• In Belgium, there is a museum that is just for strawberries.


• The sense of smell of an ant is just as good as a dog's.


• Popped popcorn should be stored in the freezer or refrigerator as this way it can stay crunchy for up to three weeks.


• The most common name in the world is Mohammed.


• The names of all the continents end with the same letter that they start with.


• The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.


• TYPEWRITER is the longest word that can be made using the letters only on one row of the keyboard.


• Women blink nearly twice as much as men.


• You can't kill yourself by holding your breath.


• It is impossible to lick your elbow.


• People say "Bless you" when you sneeze because when you sneeze, your heart stops for a millisecond.


• It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.


• the "sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick" is said to be the toughest tongue twister in the English language.


• If you sneeze too hard, you can fracture a rib. If you try to suppress a sneeze, you can rupture a blood vessel in your head or neck and die.


• Each king in a deck of playing cards represents a great king from history. Spades-King David, Clubs-Alexander the Great, Hearts-Charlemagne, Diamonds-Julius Caesar.


• 111,111,111 x 111,111,111 = 12,345,678,987,654,321


• If a statue of a person in the park on a horse has both front legs in the air, the person died in battle. If the horse has one front leg in the air, the person died as a result of wounds received in battle. If the horse has all four legs on the ground, the person died of natural causes.


• What do bullet proof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers and laser printers all have in common? Ans. - All invented by women.


• Honey is the only food that doesn't spoil.


• A crocodile cannot stick its tongue out.


• A snail can sleep for three years.


• All polar bears are left handed.


• American Airlines saved $40,000 in 1987 by eliminating one olive from each salad served in first-class.


• Butterflies taste with their feet.


• Elephants are the only animals that can't jump.


• In the last 4000 years, no new animals have been domesticated.


• On average, people fear spiders more than they do death.


• Shakespeare invented the word 'assassination' and 'bump'.


• Stewardesses is the longest word typed with only the left hand.


• The ant always falls over on its right side when intoxicated.


• The electric chair was invented by a dentist.


• The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the body to squirt blood 30 feet.


• Wearing headphones for just an hour will increase the bacteria in your ear by 700 times.


• The cigarette lighter was invented before the match.


• Like fingerprints, everyone's tongue print if different.
  

Just kidding. I made all that shit up. =) LOL, OMG...ROFLMAO, J/K, WTF...WWJD, dot dot dot, STFU, OMFG...LMAO...

Move Over iPod, Here Cums the gPod!

The gPod, a product of Japanese sex toy company Joymind , consists of a handset that can connect to a music player, television or mobile phone. The sounds it receives are then detected by low, medium and high music frequency sensors and sent on to a dong looking object.

In other words, plug one end of the handset into your iPod and the other end into your chick, and turn that shit up (a.k.a. bang that shit retarded)!

I can also see this very useful when it comes to cell phones. It gives phone sex a whole new meaning. A definate plus when it comes to long distance relationships.

I might even have to take up karaoke if you can plug a mic into one of these bad boys.

Karaoke night!!!

Those Japs are so smart! Why couldn't I have come up with this? Oh well...Hey! What about an aPod??? CHA CHING!!!

Throw Some Bacon in That Shit!

I recently stumbled upon an article about bacon spray. That's right, a spray that you use to make things taste like bacon. I thought this was a little odd, but after a little investigation, I guess I've just been in the dark about bacony goodness. I ran across quite a few bacon flavored treats and I thought I would share.

How about some bacon flavored toothpicks? There website says, "Arm yourself with invigorating pig freshness and the confidence that you can take on the world. The next time you pig out, you'll be glad you have these flavorful slender sticks of wood by your side". Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout!

Care for a bacon flavored mint? They claim, "Each one of these mints tastes like a delicious slice of crispy bacon with just a hint of mint flavor to give it that extra punch! It may sound weird but once you taste it, you'll see that mint and bacon is a match made in China".

You know what sounds really good? A bacon chocolate bar! WTF? There's really chunks of bacon in this shit!

"Deep milk chocolate coats your mouth and leads to the crunch of smoked bacon pieces. Surprise your mouth with the smoked salt and sweet milk chocolate combination".

In Charleston, South Carolina, there's a restaurant called McCrady's Restaurant that serves bacon flavored cotton candy.

And last, but not least...bacon flavored beer! Mmmmm beer!

I'm not sure what they'll come up with next, but the possibilities are endless. Yeah for bacon!!!

I know nothing.

I don't know a damn thing, but I thought you should probably take this quiz. Have a nice day.

http://wlkf.com/MayhemQuiz.htm

Some Chuck Norris Facts

Chuck Norris' tears cure cancer. Too bad he has never cried. Ever.

Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.

Chuck Norris is currently suing NBC, claiming Law and Order are trademarked names for his left and right legs.

The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.

If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can't see Chuck Norris, you may be only seconds away from death.

Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.

Chuck Norris does not hunt because the word hunting implies the probability of failure. Chuck Norris goes killing.

Chuck Norris doesn’t wash his clothes, he disembowels them.

Chuck Norris is 1/8th Cherokee. This has nothing to do with ancestry, the man ate a fucking Indian.

In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

There is no chin behind Chuck Norris' beard. There is only another fist.

Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light, went back in time, and killed Amelia Earhart while she was flying over thePacific Ocean.

Crop circles are Chuck Norris' way of telling the world that sometimes corn needs to lie the fuck down.

Chuck Norris is ten feet tall, weighs two-tons, breathes fire, and could eat a hammer and take a shotgun blast standing.

The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It failed miserably.

If you ask Chuck Norris what time it is, he always says, "Two seconds 'till." After you ask, "Two seconds 'til what?" he roundhouse kicks you in the face.

Chuck Norris drives an ice cream truck covered in human skulls.

Chuck Norris sold his soul to the devil for his rugged good looks and unparalleled martial arts ability. Shortly after the transaction was finalized, Chuck roundhouse-kicked the devil in the face and took his soul back. The devil, who appreciates irony, couldn't stay mad and admitted he should have seen it coming. They now play poker every second Wednesday of the month.

There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.

Chuck Norris once ate three 72 oz. steaks in one hour. He spent the first 45 minutes having sex with his waitress.

Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

Chuck Norris doesn't churn butter. He roundhouse kicks the cows and the butter comes straight out.

When Chuck Norris sends in his taxes, he sends blank forms and includes only a picture of himself, crouched and ready to attack. Chuck Norris has not had to pay taxes ever.

The quickest way to a man's heart is with Chuck Norris' fist.

A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.

Chuck Norris will attain statehood in 2009. His state flower will be the Magnolia.

Nagasaki never had a bomb dropped on it. Chuck Norris jumped out of a plane and punched the ground.

Chuck Norris originally appeared in the "Street Fighter II" video game, but was removed by Beta Testers because every button caused him to do a roundhouse kick. When asked bout this "glitch," Norris replied, "That's no glitch."

The opening scene of the movie "Saving Private Ryan" is loosely based on games of dodge ball Chuck Norris played in second grade.

Chuck Norris once shot down a German fighter plane with his finger, by yelling, "Bang!"

Chuck Norris once bet NASA he could survive re-entry without a spacesuit. On July 19th, 1999, a naked Chuck Norris re-entered the earth's atmosphere, streaking over 14 states and reaching a temperature of 3000 degrees. An embarrassed NASA publicly claimed it was a meteor, and still owes him a beer.

Chuck Norris has two speeds: Walk and Kill.

Someone once tried to tell Chuck Norris that roundhouse kicks aren't the best way to kick someone. This has been recorded by historians as the worst mistake anyone has ever made.

Contrary to popular belief, America is not a democracy, it is a Chucktatorship.

Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles is based on a true story: Chuck Norris once swallowed a turtle whole, and when he crapped it out, the turtle was six feet tall and had learned karate.

Chuck Norris is not hung like a horse... horses are hung like Chuck Norris

Chuck Norris is the only human being to display the Heisenberg uncertainty principle -- you can never know both exactly where and how quickly he will roundhouse-kick you in the face.

Chuck Norris can drink an entire gallon of milk in forty-seven seconds.

Rather than being birthed like a normal child, Chuck Norris instead decided to punch his way out of his mother’s womb.

If you say Chuck Norris' name in Mongolia, the people there will roundhouse kick you in his honor. Their kick will be followed by the REAL roundhouse delivered by none other than Norris himself.

Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris discovered a new theory of relativity involving multiple universes in which Chuck Norris is even more badass than in this one. When it was discovered by Albert Einstein and made public, Chuck Norris roundhouse-kicked him in the face. We know Albert Einstein today as Stephen Hawking.

The Chuck Norris military unit was not used in the game Civilization 4, because a single Chuck Norris could defeat the entire combined nations of the world in one turn.

In an average living room there are 1,242 objects Chuck Norris could use to kill you, including the room itself.

Chuck Norris does not teabag the ladies. He potato-sacks them.

Pluto is actually an orbiting group of British soldiers from the American Revolution who entered space after the Chuck gave them a roundhouse kick to the face.

When Chuck Norris goes to donate blood, he declines the syringe, and instead requests a hand gun and a bucket.

There are no weapons of mass destruction. Just Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong in a "Who has more testicles?" contest. Chuck Norris won by 5.

Chuck Norris was the fourth wise man, who gave baby Jesus the gift of beard, which he carried with him until he died. The other three wise men were enraged by the preference that Jesus showed to Chuck's gift, and arranged to have him written out of the bible. All three died soon after of mysterious roundhouse-kick related injuries.

Chuck Norris sheds his skin twice a year.

When Chuck Norris calls 1-900 numbers, he doesn’t get charged. He holds up the phone and money falls out.

Chuck Norris once ate a whole cake before his friends could tell him there was a stripper in it.

There are no races, only countries of people Chuck Norris has beaten to different shades of black and blue.

Chuck Norris can't finish a "color by numbers" because his markers are filled with the blood of his victims. Unfortunately, all blood is dark red.

A Chuck Norris-delivered Roundhouse Kick is the preferred method of execution in 16 states.

When Chuck Norris falls in water, Chuck Norris doesn't get wet. Water gets Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris's urine was the main ingredient for balco's designer steroids. Therefore, Chuck Norris is actually the all-time single-season home run king.

Scientists have estimated that the energy given off during the Big Bang is roughly equal to 1CNRhK (Chuck Norris Roundhouse Kick)

Chuck Norris’ house has no doors, only walls that he walks through.

When Chuck Norris has sex with a man, it won't be because he is gay. It will be because he has run out of women.

How much wood would a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could Chuck Norris? ...All of it.

Chuck Norris doesn't actually write books, the words assemble themselves out of fear.

In honor of Chuck Norris, all McDonald's in Texas have an even larger size than the super-size. When ordering, just ask to be "Norrisized".

Chuck Norris CAN believe it's not butter.

If tapped, a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick could power the country of Australia for 44 minutes.

The grass is always greener on the other side, unless Chuck Norris has been there. In that case the grass is most likely soaked in blood and tears.

Newton's Third Law is wrong: Although it states that for each action, there is an equal and opposite reaction, there is no force equal in reaction to a Chuck Norris roundhouse kick.

Chuck Norris invented his own type of karate. It's called Chuck-Will-Kill.

When an episode of Walker Texas Ranger was aired in France, the French surrendered to Chuck Norris just to be on the safe side.

While urinating, Chuck Norris is easily capable of welding titanium.

Chuck Norris once sued the Houghton-Mifflin textbook company when it became apparent that their account of the war of 1812 was plagiarized from his autobiography.

When Steven Seagal kills a ninja, he only takes its hide. When Chuck Norris kills a ninja, he uses every part.

Wilt Chamberlain claims to have slept with more than 20,000 women in his lifetime. Chuck Norris calls this "a slow Tuesday."

Contrary to popular belief, there is indeed enough Chuck Norris to go around.

Chuck Norris doesn’t shave; he kicks himself in the face. The only thing that can cut Chuck Norris is Chuck Norris.

For some, the left testicle is larger than the right one. For Chuck Norris, each testicle is larger than the other one.

When taking the SAT, write "Chuck Norris" for every answer. You will score a 1600.

Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

When you're Chuck Norris, anything + anything is equal to 1. One roundhouse kick to the face.

Chuck Norris has the greatest Poker-Face of all time. He won the 1983 World Series of Poker, despite holding only a Joker, a Get out of Jail Free Monopoly card, a 2 of clubs, 7 of spades and a green #4 card from the game UNO.

On his birthday, Chuck Norris randomly selects one lucky child to be thrown into the sun.

Nobody doesn't like Sara Lee. Except Chuck Norris.

Chuck Norris doesn't throw up if he drinks too much. Chuck Norris throws down!

In the beginning there was nothing...then Chuck Norris Roundhouse kicked that nothing in the face and said "Get a job". That is the story of the universe.

Chuck Norris has 12 moons. One of those moons is the Earth.

Chuck Norris grinds his coffee with his teeth and boils the water with his own rage.

Archeologists unearthed an old English dictionary dating back to the year 1236. It defined "victim" as "one who has encountered Chuck Norris"

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

Chuck Norris and Mr. T walked into a bar. The bar was instantly destroyed, as that level of awesome cannot be contained in one building.

If you Google search "Chuck Norris getting his ass kicked" you will generate zero results. It just doesn't happen.

Chuck Norris doesn't bowl strikes, he just knocks down one pin and the other nine faint.

The show Survivor had the original premise of putting people on an island with Chuck Norris. there were no survivors and the pilot episode tape has been burned.

Chuck Norris brings the noise AND the funk.

You know how they say if you die in your dream then you will die in real life? In actuality, if you dream of death then Chuck Norris will find you and kill you.

Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.

When Chuck Norris is in a crowded area, he doesn't walk around people. He walks through them
James Cameron wanted Chuck Norris to play the Terminator. However, upon reflection, he realized that would have turned his movie into a documentary, so he went with Arnold Schwarzenegger.

Chuck Norris can touch MC Hammer.

Little known medical fact: Chuck Norris invented the Caesarean section when he roundhouse-kicked his way out of his mother’s womb.

Chuck Norris can divide by zero.

10 Things You Never Knew About Frogs

Check out these amazing frog facts I found on the good ol' InterWeb!

The Icelandic Knocker Frog is unique in being the only animal on the planet, apart from man, that can make cheese on toast. They can also climb rope ladders, a skill that has proven invaluable over the years in helping them to escape from danger.

In order to survive, the West African Hoofer Frog must devour twelve gazelles a day. Luckily it has the ability to stun its prey by performing a complex hypnotic dance routine, which has been likened to a combination of traditional Latin rumba and modern tap. Gazelles can't get enough of it, and while the victim stares transfixed at its strangely erotic gyrations, the frog's mates creep up on it from behind and twat it with a rock. During the dry season food becomes scarce and the frog must travel many miles in search of victims. Luckily it is able to cover vast distances at speeds in excess of 70 mph, because it drives a Land Rover.

Frogs can jump ten times their own bodyweight.

The common bullfrog became an essential fashion accessory during the latter part of the nineteenth century, thanks to its natural elasticity. Ladies used them as chinstraps to secure expensive hats against strong winds, and a gentleman wouldn't be considered properly dressed unless he was using a pair of bullfrog braces to prevent his strides from hitting the deck. Unfortunately, bullfrogs are prone to snap, unless they are kept damp, and this resulted in some nasty cases of 'froglash'. They finally fell into disuse when it was discovered that you could use gerbils like Velcro.

The South American Toilet Frog can flush itself up to three times a day, without suffering any ill effects.

As a way of concealing itself from its enemies, the Slateback Frog of Germany and Northern Poland has developed the extraordinary ability to disguise itself as an abandoned factory unit. It's a technique that works beautifully. Predators become confused and disorientated when, after giving chase for some distance, they suddenly find themselves cannoning into a large prefabricated building. In fact, the disguise works rather too well, and the Slateback Frog is now on the verge of extinction after whole colonies were demolished during industrial redevelopment projects in the Rhine Valley.

The biggest frog in the world is called Keith Baxter and he lives under a slab in Somerset. He is a mystic ninja who does crosswords in the morning and spends his afternoons dispensing wisdom to his fellow pond life.

The Speckled Ridgeback, which inhabits the small island of Looto in the Indian Ocean, subsists entirely on a diet of ants. A single Ridgeback will consume, on average, about two hundred and twenty ants a day. Bizarrely, the island cannot support any other form of life - just frogs and ants. This means that the ants are forced to subsist entirely on a diet of frogs. Of course, a single ant cannot pose much of a threat to a fully grown frog, but many ants working together are easily a match for the amphibians. It takes, on average, about two hundred and twenty ants to bring down a Speckled Ridgeback, and this will feed them for a day. This daily battle for survival between ant and frog has gone on for many hundreds of years, and neither side has managed to gain the upper hand. And it's a stalemate that looks set to continue, until one side - either ant or frog - decides that it's had enough, builds a raft and leaves the island for good.

In medieval times it was believed that licking frogs was good for rheumatism. It's easy to dismiss this kind of traditional folk medicine but, surprisingly, recent studies have revealed that there is some truth to the idea. Researchers in Sweden have been carrying out a closely monitored programme of frog licking for the past eighteen months and have announced that the frogs are fifty per cent less likely to suffer from rheumatism than a control group that have been allowed to go unlicked.

Frogs can go for up to 48 days without sandwiches, although they do require intermittent meals of Mars bars and cocktail sausages. If they're going on fairly long trips they can get by quite easily on a couple of Scotch eggs and a slice of pork pie, although the chances are they'll be desperately in need of a burger by the time they get to their destination. Frogs do not like pasta.

BONUS FROG FACT:
Due to the destruction of their natural habitats, urban frogs are becoming increasingly common as more and more of them are forced to migrate to towns and cities. You can typically find them on waste ground, or tucked away in nooks and crannies. Quite a lot of them are involved in the financial services industry, and are doing quite well for themselves. They've pretty much cornered the insurance market by offering lower premiums and improved customer service, but when it comes to investments they still have a lot to learn. Oh sure, they always sound pretty knowledgeable and they might assure you of a healthy return on your capital but, trust me, they're talking crap.

Jesus

I'm pretty sure that Jesus was a Jew, and he was a midget. I've also heard that he was cockeyed. I'm just sayin'.

Twinks

I miss you!

Would you have Seck's with me?

Since I'm home on a Friday night (not gettin' any ass), and being the big loser face that I am, I thought I'd let you in on a little "money maker" that I came up with. I know I need to get this shit copyrighted, but that's just the way I roll.

I'm gonna start brewin' beer! That right, I'm gonna brew a beer that's gonna make me a lot of money. The beer I'm gonna brew is gonna be called "Seck's". You wanna know why? I'll tell ya. Think of the possibilities with this name...

1.) Hey baby, would you like to have some Seck's?
2.) Would you like Budweiser or Seck's?
3.) This is some good Seck's!
4.) Is this all the Seck's you got?
5.) Give me Seck's!

I'm tellin' you guys, this would make a little "coin". So, I guess I better figure out how to make the fuck out of some beer. Later couch lickers!

p.s. If somebody steals my idea, I'll kick you right in the tooth. I've got this shit posted right here, and it's dated. So, LICK BALLS IDEA STEALER!

"When you Win it...YOU LOSE IT!"

Reality shows are really starting to crack me up. Now, if you’re a stupendous fucktard and you’ve never had a piece of ass, all you have to do is take part in a new reality show called "Virgin Territory".

Aparently, Paris Hilton and porn superstar Jenna Jameson have been asked to “take part” in the new reality show. The producer is Kevin Blatt, the man responsible for marketing the Paris Hilton sex tape, “One Night in Paris.” They are planing on putting up giant billboards in Time Square and Los Angeles advertising for virgins to take part in the show.

The series will feature ten “medically certified” (how the fuck are they gonna prove that?) male virgins and will “monitor” their quest to get laid for the first time. The ten male virgins in the house will have to resist temptation of female celebrities, who are also in the house. There will be various competitions, there’s Blue Balls room, there’s Sexual Concentration, there’s Dildo or Don’t, and there’s my favorite—the STD Spelling Bee. Oh, and jacking off is not allowed for the duration of the show. Now that’s some funny shit!

Blatt is working with sponsors to make sure that the ultimate virgin who holds out the longest is fuckward bound. “America” will vote via a 900 number to decide between the final two. On the last episode, “surprise celebrity” takes the winner to the Lose-it Lounge, where video cameras will record them "gettin' their hump on" to be shown on the Web and on TV. Blatt predicts “Virgin Territory” will be a smash hit and be watched by even more people than the millions who saw “One Night in Paris.”

I know it all sounds a bit rediculious, but I’ll watch that shit quick! Later fuckers!